Wake Up & Smell The Coffee

In speaking with a wonderful lady the other day, our conversation drifted to her husband who had passed away a few years earlier. The tone of her voice was one of sadness and regret.  This was not so much related to his passing, as it was over the way she felt she had treated him at times, and taken him for granted. In hindsight, she had not shown her appreciation for all that he did and was. She had not thanked him for being so kind and faithful to her. His hard work as a husband and father had simply gone unnoticed.  She had become more focused on a few shortcomings, than on his many good qualities.

Why is it that we so often treat the ones closest to us, with less respect and kindness than we do strangers that we don’t even know? Is it the fact that we have simply grown so accustomed to them being there, that we have lost appreciation for them being there at all? Sometimes, without us even realizing it, we tell them by our attitudes and actions, that they are in the way, more than in our hearts.

• Kind words have been replaced by critical tones.
• I believe in you has been replaced with, can’t you do anything right!
• Where they once felt wanted, now they feel they are in the way.
• Passion has been replaced with impatience, and a smirk now replaces a smile.

 The message here is clear. Don’t take the ones closest to you for granted.

• Don’t nag them, brag on them.
• Don’t embarrass them, encourage them.
• Don’t give them that look, give them that smile.

 Why wait?  Let them know today how special they are, and how much you  love and appreciate them.

• Bring home those flowers.
• Sing those praises.
• Give those hugs.
• Send those cards.
• DO IT NOW!

Read more…

The other day, my wife and I were at a restaurant, and sitting beside us was a father sharing lunch with his young son. Their table was filled with pancakes, eggs, toast, coffee and a large glass of chocolate milk. They seemed to be having a great time, when all of a sudden, in the little boy’s excitement, he moved his hand too quickly, and chocolate milk exploded everywhere.   The food, the table, the seat and the boy were all covered in this liquid brown mess.   The little boy’s eyes grew large, and his lips started to quiver, as he saw his father quickly jump to his feet.   Then, there was a brief moment of silence, as both took in the extent of the damage.  Upon seeing the fear and shame on his son’s face, the father in an act of  grace and mercy that we have seldom witnessed, responded in a way that brought tears to our eyes.  He simply said,“That’s ok son, I have made mistakes to. Please don’t be so upset, it can be easily cleaned up”.

A chorus of encouragement covered the chocolate chaos, and kindness left a mark that was deeper than any stain.  It was not just what he said, but it was how he said it.  His words were gentle and comforting, his eyes were accepting and compassionate, and his actions said, “You are more valuable to me than any mess you could ever make”.

The father was more concerned with his son’s heart, than he was his son’s mess.

He was more concerned with his son’s dignity, than he was his son’s discipline.

He was more concerned with how his son felt, than what everyone else thought.

He was more concerned with their relationship than he was the lesson.

Don’t get me wrong… The son did learn a lesson that day, but it had little to do with chocolate milk and a lot to do with real love.  You see, spilt milk can easily be cleaned up, but a look of disapproval and an angry word, will leave a lasting stain.

A father is someone you are supposed to be able to run to when you make a mistake, not run away from.  A father is someone who accepts and protects you, not because you are always right, but because you are always loved.

That day we were privileged to witness to some minor degree the heart of our Heavenly Father. When God sees us staring in wide eyed disbelief at the mess we have just created, He understands that a large cup of mercy is the best response, to a little mess made from spilt milk.

I awoke to the sounds of birds singing praises to God, for the wonderful rain he had sent the night before.  The air smelt fresh ,and the trees seemed to glow this vibrant green.  The sun warmed my face, and sparkled as it reflected off the water left on the street. A rainbow arched its way lazily across the sky and everything was right with the world.

As I drove off in my car, coffee in hand, I thought; this is going to be a great day!  I had on a new white shirt, my favorite power tie and I was ready to meet a very important client, for breakfast.  Stopping at the intersection, I thought, “It is such a nice morning, why don’t I roll down my window and enjoy the fresh air”.  Just as I did, a truck came roaring by, slammed its wheels into a huge mud puddle, and completely covered me, and my car from head to toe.  Mud was everywhere! It was so thick on my glasses, that I couldn’t see. My nice white shirt was ruined, my power tie looked pitiful and my hot latte was burning my lap.  How could so much mud, enter one person’s car so quickly and in such quantity?

I lost it!  I became a raving lunatic! I’ve always prided myself on the way I am able to handle difficult situations, yet I found myself flying out of the car and chasing this truck down the street, screaming at the top of my lungs,  hands flailing and mud flying everywhere.  I must have looked a sight.  Mud caked on my hair and dripping down my face, tie flying at half-mast and pants stained with coffee.

In all this insanity, I noticed that people were stopping their cars, to watch this crazy man chasing a truck!  Just then, I saw a policeman standing by my car. Oh great! Now I was in real trouble, for the light had turned green and I was blocking the intersection. As I sheepishly walked back to the car to face my punishment, I could hear the jeering and taunting of the other drivers, who had gotten very impatient with me for holding up traffic. 

I thought to myself, “How could this be happening? A few minutes ago I was singing merrily in my car, enjoying life and now I am covered in mud and going to get a ticket! My whole day is ruined!!!  As I approached the  policeman I noticed that his face was turning red from trying to hold back the laughter, his eyes were filled with tears, and his belly shook as he tried to control himself.  Just as I opened my mouth to speak a huge lump of mud fell off my ear onto my shoulder and he lost it. I never knew a man could laugh so loud and so long.  He tried his best to assist me to my car and get traffic moving, but as I drove away, I looked in my rear view mirror, only to find him half bent over in laughter.  I thought to my self,”I’m glad some one was having a good time.”

That day, I found out that it is easy to be self- controlled and cool, when everything is going your way.  But, what happens when situations beyond your control, begin to muddy up the water? “So to speak”. How do we respond then?  Through this experience, I discovered that my car can be cleaned, my clothes can be washed and my appointment rescheduled, but what about my heart? How much mud was in there?  I realized, that I needed to work on some deeper issues in my life, and here is what I have learned. 

Never loose your sense of humor and don’t take life, as well as yourself so seriously.

Try not to over react, when something doesn’t turn out the way you expect.

And above all else…. keep your windows rolled up and watch out for puddles.

I always liked the saying; “choose wisely” used by the knight who was protecting the cup of the Holy Grail in the movie Indian Jones and the Last Crusade. Indi’s life depended on the fact, that he make the right choice, and if you remember, it was not the fancy gold goblet, or the jewel studded one, but, it was a simple wooden cup that held life. It is the simple choices we make every day, that determine what course our lives will take and the type of person we will become.  If we want to live with a more compassionate and peaceful spirit, then maybe the following choices will bring us closer to our destination.

I Choose Love… For there is never a reason to hate

I Choose Joy…For there is always a reason to dance

I Choose Peace…For it is never too late to forgive

I Choose Patience… For dignity is more important than mistakes

I Choose Kindness… For criticism never built a bridge

I Choose Goodness… For compromise is a road to destruction

I Choose Faithfulness… For trust must always be honored

I Choose Gentleness… For demands should only be of my self

I Choose Self Control…For anger never healed a heart

We are all spiritual beings living out our divine purposes here on earth. We may not understand all that is expected of us, but one thing is for sure…

“if we can’t treat each other with respect and dignity then the rest is just a bunch of noise”.

“There is something wrong with your heart”, the surgeon said. ‘There is no life getting to it. Your arteries are clogged up and if we don’t get the blood to your heart you will die”.

Those words sounded all too familiar, only they did not come from a surgeon before, they came from deep within my soul. For years there has been something wrong with my heart, but it wasn’t cholesterol. It was something deeper, something within the depths of my being, screaming out for life.

My heart used to be filled with life, but over the years, disappointments, failures and relationships have sucked the life right out of it. I used to believe, I used to trust, I used to care, but now it is enough just to get up every morning and face a new day.

Oh, no one really knew on the outside, as I hid it pretty well. If someone got too close, I would simply move away to a safer distance and hide behind a mask of jokes and business. At times when I was alone and my mind would quiet down, a small voice would gently give me a nudge and ask me, if I wanted to talk about it.” Not tonight”, I would answer, “maybe another time ,when I am not so tired”. Unfortunately, the other time never came. So now here I was, hooked up to an EKG with a whole room full of people looking at the very heart ,which I had tried to hide for so long.  

They were talking about my physical heart, but I was thinking about my spiritual one. “So what caused this in the first place, I asked’? The surgeon replied,” probably from your lifestyles and diet”. “Whatever you put into your body, will sooner or later affect your heart”.

Was that a true statement! If I allow anger, bitterness, fear and worry into my life, it will in turn, cause internal distress that will sooner, or later affect not only my physical heart ,but my spiritual heart as well.

That day, I released all the things that had stolen my very life from me. I set them free. I made peace with myself and God. It has taken me a lot longer than I thought to recover from the surgery and at times, I can feel a slight pain as my heart recovers. At those times, I sit quietly, clear my mind and trust the surgeon, who said that I would be fine.

Come to think of it, I do the same thing, when I feel a slight pain deep within my soul. I’ll relax and let those old thoughts pass. I’ll focus on those things that make me grateful for this new heart and trust my divine surgeon with the rest.

I have found that Inner peace and perfectionism will always be at odds with each other. My need for everything to be just the way I would like it, constantly disrupts my quest, for inner tranquility. Whenever my pre determined demands to have something turn out a certain way, collide with reality, I find myself getting frustrated and impatient.  My desire to live with a peaceful and gentle spirit, is often overridden, by my unrealistic demands that everything in life, turn out the way I want it to.

It becomes quite exasperating, when the world in which I live and the world in my imagination, can’t seem to cooperate with each other.

I find myself getting off track, every time I begin focusing on what is wrong with my self, someone else, or something else and forget to be content with what I have, and grateful for all the gifts God has given me. When I start demanding that everyone and every thing else get with my program, I am destined to become frustrated and upset.

The reality is, that no one gives a hoot about my program, as they are all too busy trying to figure out why their own program isn’t working.

To focus on what is wrong, instead of seeing all the positive and beautiful things in our lives, only breeds discontentment and dissatisfaction. Other people tell me I did a great job, but I only see my mistakes. Too often I forget to take the time to celebrate one of my accomplishments ,or give myself a pat on the back, for a job well done. I find that when we try to live up to these self imposed standards ,which are inevitably just out of our reach, we tend to loose the contentment and peace, we so desperately desire.  This is no excuse for us not to try to do the best we can, but I does mean that we should learn to appreciate how far we have come and enjoy the ride.

In life there will always be something that isn’t right. I need to loose a few more pounds, somebody just put a ding in my car door, or hair that should be growing on my head is now coming out my ears.  I have found that it is much wiser, to replace the word perfection with perception.  Instead of focusing on what is wrong with our lives, we need to begin to focus on what is right.  By accepting the fact that life isn’t perfect and neither are we, we free ourselves up from these unrealistic demands, we have put on ourselves and others.

My advice, is to quit waiting to be happy until everything is just the way you would like it to be. Don’t put off happiness and joy any longer.  Make peace with your imperfections and you will find that the inner peace we all desire, will gently surface and you will begin to sense a renewed appreciation, for what you have accomplished and that your life isn’t that bad after all.

Do you ever feel lost, really lost? Like the whole world is made up of round holes, and you’re the only square peg.  I’ve felt this way most of my life, and I don’t know why, but I just feel I don’t quite fit.  Sure, I can be the life of the party, but inside, I always feel so desperately lonely, and unattached from everyone else.

What makes us feel this way?  What is this haunting voice inside us, that tells us we are less than the rest of the human race?

Lately I’ve grown tired of that voice.  This same tape has been playing in my head long enough, and I want to hear something new.  Something that is positive, something that is alive!  This voice from the past, tells me I can’t make it ,or I’m not good enough, or I’m a loser.  Who in the world has the right to tell me, or anyone else this anyway?  Who do they think they are to classify me?  No one knows the real me that is hidden deep inside.  As a matter of fact, I don’t really know the real me inside either.  But I’m willing to find out.

It’s time to challenge this unknown voice.  For too long it’s been like the school yard bully, pushing me around and making me cower in fear. Let’s see how tough he really is.  As I’ve begun to do this, I’ve found out, that this invisible thug is nothing but a bunch of hot air!  I’ve discovered that thoughts and memories can’t harm me, unless I let them.  I’m learning to stand up to their accusations and tell them right to their face, that I’m not a bad person after all.  I may not be perfect, and I may have made a few, (well, more than a few) mistakes, but I’m no loser.  In fact, the more I think about it, I have a lot to offer, and a whole lot of living to do, before I’m done.  I have decided that I’m going to enjoy what time I have left here on earth!  I don’t intend to make excuses for my life, or feel guilty because I might be using up someone else’s air.

One of the things I love to do, is to take all my favorite songs and put them on to one tape. In that way, I can listen to them as I drive along in my car.  It occurred to me, that I needed to make an internal tape ,of all kinds of wonderful thoughts and positive sayings about life, as well as myself. It was time to erase the old tape, and put on some new upbeat tunes.  Tunes that make me feel alive.  Ones that made me feel happy and gave me hope.

Got any old tapes you need to throw away?  Why not start listening to, and believing something positive for a change.  It’s similar to the times when you are driving in your car, and you turn to a radio station you don’t like.  What do you do? You simply turn to another station, until you find one you like.  We need to do the same with these voices we’ve been listening to.

I suggest that if you are tired of listening to that same old dreary tune going round and round in your head, then, maybe you need to change the station.

Heard any good tunes lately?

We all need to become aware of how quickly our negative, or fearful thinking, can make us feel like our whole life is out of control.  It is a scientific fact, that your feelings are directly connected to what you are thinking about.  Sad thoughts, produce sad feelings, angry thoughts produce angry feelings, and so on.  In my case, I used to suffer greatly from anxiety attacks and depression. I chose this brief true story, as an example of what it felt like to me, when experiencing my depression and anxiety. The only reason I share this, is in hope, that if someone else is suffering from this problem,  they will know that I understand and care.

I remember, it was a warm spring day, when some friends and I went down to the local gravel pit to swim.  In the center of the gravel pit was a make shift island.  “Race you to the island”, Mike said. With that challenge I jumped in to see who could get there first.  As usual Mike won, and I followed close behind.  Just as I reached the island ,Mike jumped back in and headed for shore.  Not to be outdone, I dove in as well ,only to find out that half way to shore, I was starting to tire.  I called out for help,time and time again, but no one responded.  Soon, totally exhausted, I gave up and started slowly sinking deeper and deeper beneath the water. I remember staring up at the blue sky, then down into the pitch black abyss below ,thinking this is it, I’m going to die.

As I ran out of air, the water started forcing its way into my nose and mouth.  I was suffocating, and there was nothing I could do about it.  Darkness engulfed me, my body felt chilled and my mind went blank. Suddenly, I felt a hand grab my hair, it was Mike.  He pulled me up to the surface, where I gasped for air, and was soon resting on the shore.

Anxiety had the same suffocating affect on me. I could not think, or breathe, and when I looked up, there was no blue sky to greet me.  I was only surrounded by that dark abyss, and found myself sinking deeper and deeper into it’s all too familiar arms.  Time and time again, I would fight my way to the surface and gasp for air.  My screams for help seemed to go unnoticed ,or were addressed with “cheer up, you have got to be more positive”, or some other glib remark ,that just pushed me farther down. The anxiety was bad enough, but to add guilt to my pain seemed unbearable. I know I should think positive.  I know that my attitude is negative.  But in these times, I was too tired to make it to shore and I was too tired to care.

Over the years, I have learned how to deal with these thought attacks.  You see, your thoughts may be real, but they are not necessarily reality.  Thoughts have no power in themselves,unless you believe them to be true. If a thought comes into your mind that causes you distress, let it go.  Don’t fight it, analyze it, or dwell on it. Just let it pass.  As soon as you do, a new thought will float to the surface..  You may wish to consider your mind as a garden, where there are flowers that give you pleasure, and weeds that cause distress.  Throw away the weeds, and the flowers will bloom and grow as intended.  In other words, by simply letting go of the thoughts that are causing you distress, a calmer more peaceful feeling will rise to the surface.  Past memories and regrets, as well as fears about what will happen in the future, will try everyday to plant their weeds in your garden. It is important, that all of us tend to our gardens, in a loving caring manner. Over time, our lives will blossom with a deep peace and calmness, that right now may seem out of reach. I promise you, that your soul will blossom once again, and your winter will soon turn to spring.

In these times if possible, try to remember that you are only one thought away from a  peaceful feeling.